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After the death of a friend or loved one, those left behind are faced with all sorts of emotions, thoughts, and feelings as they come to terms with their loss. Whether you are the spouse or child of the deceased or attending as a guest for the service, one of the big questions that tend to cause undue stress and anxiety is about attire: what is appropriate to wear at a funeral?
While there is no exact answer to this question, this guide should help you get a better understanding of the funeral dress code and what is expected of funeral attendees.
Generally speaking, funeral attire should be respectful and modest. The goal is to show support for the grieving family while also maintaining a sense of decorum. With that said, funeral dress codes will vary depending on the type of funeral service being held.
For example, a traditional funeral service will typically call for formal attire such as a suit or dress, while a more casual service may be less strict. It is always best to err on the side of caution, however, and dress on the more formal side to avoid offending anyone. Take cues from the funeral location: is it in a church? A funeral home? How about an alternative setting, like out in nature? was the deceased religious or secular? These are all important questions to ask yourself, but more often than not, the answer is to dress conservatively so as not to draw attention away from the grieving process and the tribute being paid to the deceased.
Another funeral dress code to be aware of is the color you wear. While black is still the go-to color for funeral attire, more and more people are opting for bright colors as a way to celebrate the life of their loved ones. If you are unsure of what to wear, it is always best to ask a close friend or family member of the deceased for guidance. Showing up in a neon dress to a funeral predominated by muted and dark colors will certainly stand out — and not in a good way.
At the end of the day, funeral attire is about being respectful and showing support for those who are grieving. Wearing flip-flops or sandals probably wouldn’t be appropriate. Keep in mind the weather, and bring sunglasses and umbrellas accordingly. As long as you keep that in mind, you can’t go wrong.
If you have been asked to be a casket bearer, you may be wondering what the proper funeral attire is. Casket bearers are typically close family or friends of the deceased, so they will likely already have an idea of what the funeral attire is. Make sure that you consult with the other casket bearers or close family, because there may be an expectation that everyone wears a matching suit, or in more relaxed funerals, may be requested to wear some other sort of matching clothing.
If you are still unsure of what to wear, funeral attire for casket bearers consists typically of dress pants and a dark suit with a white shirt and tie for men or a dark dress or skirt with a blouse for women. Again, the funeral director or close family may have a preference, so make sure to ask before the funeral.
Keep in mind that carrying a casket does require some physical effort, so make sure that your shirt and suit jacket (if this is the appropriate attire) is not so tight that you will tear a seam or pop a button. While this may sound like an issue of simply not fitting into clothes, the real issue is that dress clothes are not made for physical activity. You might want to loosen your tie and/or unbutton your collar button to make sure that you are able to breathe properly as you help carry your loved one in and back out of the funeral service.
Much like the appropriate attire for casket bearers, your family likely already has an idea of what should be worn for this funeral. If you are unsure, however, funeral attire for the family of the deceased is typically a dark suit or dress.
For women, funeral dresses or skirts are typically worn with a blouse, while men wear a dark suit with a white shirt and tie. If you are close family, you may be asked to wear a matching suit or dress so that you stand out less during the funeral service.
If you have a comfortable pair of shoes that will match the rest of your attire, it is recommended that you wear them as opposed to something that may make standing more difficult. Even though a funeral does not have a greeting line like a wake, you will likely be standing for a significant amount of time throughout the funeral service and afterward during the funeral reception.
If you are a close friend of the family, your funeral attire for friends of the family can be a bit more relaxed. However, “relaxed” is a relative term, and this is no place for cut-off shorts or a t-shirt with images or distracting patterns. Out of respect for the deceased and their grieving family, consider your selection of attire in terms of what would draw the least attention to yourself during the family’s time of mourning.
For men, funeral attire typically consists of dress slacks and a collared shirt, with or without a tie. Men can also add a blazer and dress shoes such as loafers to their attire. For women, funeral dresses or skirts are appropriate, as well as dress pants and dress shoes with a blouse or sweater.
As a guest at a funeral, the same wisdom prevails: dark, muted colors and sharp, clean lines are always appropriate. You may opt to wear a suit or dress, or you may choose funeral attire that is more relaxed, like dress slacks with a blazer for men, or a skirt with a blouse for women.
It is important to remember that funeral guests should avoid attire that would be considered too casual, like t-shirts, jeans, shorts, or sneakers. In general, funeral guests should dress as they would for any other formal occasion.
When in doubt, it is always best to err on the side of caution and choose funeral attire that is more formal than less. You can always take off a jacket or cardigan if you find that you are too warm, but you can’t put on a tie if you forgot to bring one.
Sometimes there may be a special request from the family of the deceased, something like a special piece of flair or a garment that calls back to something special and unique about the dearly departed. In these cases, you will have a clear idea of what is expected of you because the family will need to inform attendees about their wishes.
And, of course, there are plenty of times where someone passes whose life simply did not fit into the standard funeral arrangement. There have been plenty of funerals where everyone wore their favorite beach attire, hiking clothes, or something else that they know the deceased would have appreciated. Again, this is something that the family will communicate — don’t show up to a funeral in board shorts and a tank top unless explicitly directed to do so.
The funeral directors at The Gardens of Boca Raton have helped families plan funerals of all types, and are happy to accommodate your own special requests, whether you are the family member planning the funeral of a deceased loved one or if you are pre-planning your own funeral services.
If you are working with a funeral director from The Gardens of Boca Raton, we will be able to help you understand the different options, customs, and standards of funeral attire, and will be able to guide you through disseminating this information to guests. We understand that something like shoe color might seem so inconsequential as you grapple with the loss of a loved one, which is why we are proud to offer support and help our valued clients with every detail so they can remain focused on a healthy grieving process.
Not all funerals are the same, and funeral dress codes can vary greatly depending on the family’s wishes. There are plenty of “alternative” funerals, such as home funerals and family-directed funerals, and in some cases, the survivors may forgo a funeral entirely for direct cremation and a subsequent celebration of life. In these instances, the family likely provides clear information about what you can expect, such as the setting for the gathering and the appropriate attire.
At The Gardens of Boca Raton, we understand that funeral etiquette can be confusing, and we are here to help. If you have any questions about funeral attire or any other funeral-related topic, please do not hesitate to contact us. We will be more than happy to assist you in any way that we can.
Furthermore, if you are interested in pre-planning your own funeral, we offer consultations and start-to-finish planning with the help of one of our experienced funeral directors. Pre-planning this important service is a way to save money by locking in current rates, and equally importantly, instilling your own personal touch on the day your family and friends say their final goodbyes. We are more than happy to accommodate “out of the box” requests, and we are always here to answer any questions that you may have.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article, and we hope that it has been helpful. We understand that funeral planning is not an easy task, but we are here to help make the process as seamless as possible. Thank you for considering The Gardens of Boca Raton for your funeral needs.
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